The loss of a friend

Today has just been the worst day for me.

I got the news this morning that a dear friend of mine has passed away from a heart attack. And I am just having a really hard time dealing with it all.

See, i just chatted with her last night. About her candle order that she had just received and how much she wanted to melt the sweet country custard. She talked about drooling every time she smelled it. She just laughed about that. And then she was telling me about special Christmas box she was sending me. Something just from her to me, something that reminded her of me. I was so touched.

You see, I have never met this woman, Charlene, face to face. I met her online, on a candle lovers message board about 4 or so years ago. And when that board closed I was asked to start another board, for some of the women that were on the closing board. So I did, and Charlene was there from day one, she at first was just a moderator, then when I had to back off from the board for a while, due to some personal problems in my life, she took over running it. She loved that board, she kept up with everything on it. She always made sure that all of our birthdays and anniversary's were always recognized, if we were dealing with our own tragedy's, or health issues she was always the first one to send a card, or a sweet email. Charlene was the life of the message board. And we, were all her little children that she watched over. That is what Charlene did, she watched out for people, took care of people. She genuinely cared about people.

She always put others ahead of herself. Her husband was in very poor health with a heart problem of his own and horrible complications from diabetes. She ran around all the time taking him to the doctors appts, and doing everything around their house. She was always babysitting her 2.5 year old grandson. He was her life. She loved "the boss" as she called him, so much. And she was just given another grandson about 1.5 months ago. She called him peanut...she was overjoyed by her grandsons.

We knew that Charlene had some health problems of her own, and she was getting help a little at a time for them. But when this heart problem popped up here recently, she refused to be hospitalized, but did agree to some testing. And the doctors put her on some meds, but I don't think anyone, including her doctors realized just how serious this heart problem was. I think she was so afraid of being put in the hospital and there would be no one to take her husband back and forth to his doctors appts. and to take care of him on a daily basis. She loved her husband so much. He truly was her sole mate. They were each others soul mates.

Charlene, had over the last year, started trying really hard to take better care of herself. She had just recently posted to all of us that she had lost 106 pounds over the last year. And she finally posted a picture of herself so we could all finally see her. She was beautiful inside and out. I will miss her so much.

My point of this blog is that you do not have to meet someone face to face to care for them, or to love them. I only knew her thru the internet, and a message board. And thru that, phone conversations, and emails and gifts and cards were exchanged. She was my friend, my true friend. You do not have to be in ones presence physically, to be their friend. She showed me that. She cared and loved to the fullest. I will miss that. I will miss her, and who she was. She was loved by all of us on the message board. We are all just devastated by the new of her passing.

Things like this make you think of your own mortality. She was 46 years old. I am 41. I have health problems myself. Things that I should have already seen the doctor about. This has made me scared, and made me want to do something, so that I am around for my grandson, my husband and my sons. If she had gone into the hospital, would she still be here with us? Who knows. No one knows. But what I do know that all of us on the Internet and the message boards that she belonged will never be the same now that she is gone. But also because of her we will never be the same, we are all better people.

Please say some extra prayers tonight and in the coming days for her family. They are all just heart broken.

Hold your friends and family close. Make sure that all your friends, the ones that you can actually touch and the ones that you can't, know how you feel about them. Tell them you love them. Because you just never know what the next moment in time brings.

Many blessings to everyone~
Kim